Alone?

When I was growing up I thought of God as a large cosmic man on a glowing throne looking down on us. I don’t know how I came up with this idea, but I always imagined him watching me and saying, “I saw that! I saw that, too!” Because of this preconceived notion, I didn’t want to submit to God. I was convinced I would have to give up great music, fun friends, and exciting weekends to be a “Christian”. However, there came a time in my life when I was disappointed and confused. My life was not turning out the way I hoped it would, and I was the one in charge, so I must’ve been the one to blame. I became so tired and frustrated with my life I was ready to try something different. I cleaned out my music collection. I stopped going to bars and eventually, I stopped getting invited. I saved Sunday mornings for going to church and, I’m not going to lie, I struggled at first.

Me: I don’t have any friends, Lord.

God: You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me…Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Psalm 139:5, 7-10

I am alone and lonely.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand-when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:17-18

I am not significant; nobody likes me.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

Nobody understands me; there’s no one I can talk to.

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.

Psalm 139:1-4

I need help, Lord.

If only you, God, would slay the wicked…They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name…Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:19-24

My Lord let me struggle with the discomfort of my new life choices, but only for a little bit. I removed unhealthy music. My Lord introduced me to upbeat Christian music! I gave up unhealthy friends. My Lord introduced me to lighthearted people who were seeking him also! I gave up going to bars and staying up all night long. My Lord provided me a husband who likes to go fishing, camping, and snowmobiling with me! I have been walking with my Lord since sometime in late 2009. I haven’t once regretted my decision! I’ve heard it said the best years of your life are in high school. I beg to differ. Every day I’ve walked with Jesus, the next day was better than the last. I’m going to keep walking!