When I was growing up I thought of God as a large cosmic man on a glowing throne looking down on us. I don’t know how I came up with this idea, but I always imagined him watching me and saying, “I saw that! I saw that, too!” Because of this preconceived notion, I didn’t want to submit to God. I was convinced I would have to give up great music, fun friends, and exciting weekends to be a “Christian”. However, there came a time in my life when I was disappointed and confused. My life was not turning out the way I hoped it would, and I was the one in charge, so I must’ve been the one to blame. I became so tired and frustrated with my life I was ready to try something different. I cleaned out my music collection. I stopped going to bars and eventually, I stopped getting invited. I saved Sunday mornings for going to church and, I’m not going to lie, I struggled at first.
Me: I don’t have any friends, Lord.
God: You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me…Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
Psalm 139:5, 7-10
I am alone and lonely.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand-when I awake, I am still with you.
I am not significant; nobody likes me.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Nobody understands me; there’s no one I can talk to.
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
I need help, Lord.
If only you, God, would slay the wicked…They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name…Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
My Lord let me struggle with the discomfort of my new life choices, but only for a little bit. I removed unhealthy music. My Lord introduced me to upbeat Christian music! I gave up unhealthy friends. My Lord introduced me to lighthearted people who were seeking him also! I gave up going to bars and staying up all night long. My Lord provided me a husband who likes to go fishing, camping, and snowmobiling with me! I have been walking with my Lord since sometime in late 2009. I haven’t once regretted my decision! I’ve heard it said the best years of your life are in high school. I beg to differ. Every day I’ve walked with Jesus, the next day was better than the last. I’m going to keep walking!
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