What Now, Lord?

Years ago when I gave my life to the Lord I started dating again, not long after my divorce. I prayed and asked God for guidance regarding this new relationship. I didn’t hear any clear answers, so I moved forward with the relationship. After all, I gave my life to Jesus and was reading the Bible now. What could possibly go wrong? I was too immature spiritually to know if you pray and don’t receive an answer you are supposed to WAIT on the Lord (Psalm 27:14).

My boyfriend and I married a year and a half later. We had a beautiful baby boy about ten months after our wedding, and we had the typical relationship hiccups that come with a new marriage and a new baby. We both drank alcohol to socialize with friends, but as the pressures of a new baby and a new job increased, my husband drank more often. Then he began hiding his drinking. Then he began hiding more.

One of my husband’s employees lived across the street from us. His house was right outside my kitchen window so although I didn’t try, I noticed my neighbor arrived home about 5:30 each evening. My husband arrived home about seven. At two different times, two of my coworkers came to my house. They told me they suspected my husband of cheating on me, but neither of them had any proof. I took vows to stand beside my husband and support him. I took vows to trust him, and love him no matter what and this time, I really understood what those vows meant. I thanked my coworkers for the information. However, I told them God knows all things. If what they say is true, God will make sure I find out about it when he wants me to find out about it. Until then, I have to obey my vows.

One night, overwhelmed by the possibility of being cheated on, and having just fought…again with my drinking husband, I cried out to God,

Lord, what do you want me to do with all this? What do I do now?

Very quietly and calmly he said,

Make them supper.

Oh. I can do that, I thought. I know how to do that. I can make supper. My daughter and son were watching television, and waiting patiently. I dried my eyes and started making them supper. Then the Lord helped me remember this,

You know it says in my word what good is it if you love those who love you. I also said in my word, anybody can do that. But, I call you to love your enemies. Do good to those who hurt you, and do not repay evil for evil (Luke 6:32-35). This is what Jesus did. You knew you’d be going through this, and you knew it would be hard.

His words were so gentle and loving, I instantly felt peace. I also remembered I chose to do things God’s way now because my way got me nowhere…only heartache and disappointment.

I do not believe my Lord’s words referred to staying in an abusive relationship…absolutely not! What my Father was telling me was following Jesus is sometimes difficult. Trusting God is sometimes difficult. Having faith in my Lord is sometimes difficult. However, I followed him anyway. I trusted him anyway. I had faith in him anyway. When I couldn’t carry myself, he carried me.

A few months later I got the proof I was waiting for. My new husband, after only five years, did run off with his mistress. Trusting the Lord to reveal the truth protected my relationships with my coworkers, and provided our heavenly Father with another way to show his omniscience and sovereignty to those who know me. In a community where many are unfaithful and many get angry, people wondered why I was able to so gracefully handle the situation…and God was glorified, as he should be!