After Dad’s death, I began to remember all the stories he told us of when he was young. He was ornery, started fights, drank, smoked, had pornography, threw a screwdriver at his brothers, dropped a flower pot off the roof onto my uncle’s head…a real rebel. When I thought of all this, my grief started all over again, worse. I understood God to be a demanding judge, sitting on His throne saying “I saw that!” My heart broke remembering all these stories of Dad. I knew he’d never make it to Heaven. I couldn’t stand the thought of the other place he might be in. Then, God blessed me with another vision:
I was in the hallway of my high school. There was no one else in the hallway and, for some reason, I wasn’t in class. All of a sudden a bright white light appeared in front of me. I shielded my eyes, and then realized the light was not hurting my eyes. “How can I look at this bright light and it’s not hurting my eyes,” I wondered. Then I thought of something I heard once, that God is the Light of the world, the only light that does not cast shadows. So I looked at the lockers, the trophy cabinet I was standing beside, and the lobby wall that was deeply textured. There was not a shadow anywhere! There was only this bright light everywhere! I thought, “Okay, this must be God.” I just stood there…dumbfounded. I looked at the light directly in front of me again and noticed cowboy boots. Then I saw two hands lift. With index fingers out, all other fingers folded in, the two hands drew the shape of a heart in gold light that stood out against the white light. I had an indescribable confidence inside the light I saw was Dad! He made it! As soon as that thought crossed my mind, the vision disappeared. The light was gone. I was awake in my bed at home, and I had an overwhelming peace inside of me.
The only way I can describe what I experienced was God made it possible for me to know my dad was forgiven. He was loved, forgiven, completely healed, and at peace. The visions I had were so clear and brilliant I have never again grieved like I once did for my dad. I never again questioned whether he made it to Heaven or not. I know he did. Although I didn’t know God at the time, I knew where my dad was…Heaven. So, if I ever wanted to see Dad again, that’s where I was going…come hell or high water. And that was the beginning of a journey. A journey that would take me places I never imagined. This journey would stretch me, squeeze me, and almost break me. So far, it’s been totally worth it!!
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